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Stop Worrying About Being Normal

By far the most common thing that people who come for sex therapy say is that they ‘just want to be normal’. There is an idea that everybody else is 'having ‘normal and great sex’ and there is something very wrong with us if we are not. People often feel terribly upset and ashamed if they don’t think they fit into ‘normal’.

The truth is that there is no ‘normal’ way to have sex. The only thing that does seem to be normal is to worry about sex. A very recent study found that 35% of men and 54% of women said that they had problems with sex.

Even over the last few decades the idea of ’normal’ has changed. Certainly the idea of what is normal is different in different countries and even between different groups in the same country. Imagine the kind of sex life a 21 year old heterosexual woman might be having compared to a 40 year old gay man or a married couple in their seventies. As the author Gayle Rubin says, whatever you enjoy sexually, somebody somewhere will think is disgusting, and whatever completely turns you off, somebody somewhere will find the most exciting thing imaginable. Perhaps we should allow ourselves to have exactly the kind of sex that we want, so long as everybody involved is enjoying what they are doing.


Call Kate today at 086 3874956 and get expert confidential help and support.